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My Last The last time they were together was in a hospital room. Jordan was standing by the window looking out at the parking lot, not wanting to acknowledge why she was there. JD, Turk and Carla had gone to get lunch together and Perry was in the on call room, trying to grab a few hours of sleep. Elliot, needless to say, was lying in bed. The last kiss was bittersweet and horrible. Elliot’s lips were too dry, her eyes too bright. Jordan’s lips linger, a few stray tears falling onto Elliot’s cheeks. Jordan rubbed her cheek against Elliot’s, needing the contact. “I’m sorry.” The last words were harsh and cracked, coming from a throat far too dry. Jordan got up and went back to the window, wiping tears her tears away. She wanted to tell Elliot it wasn’t her fault, wanted to reassure her, but she couldn’t. It was her fault, a moment of carelessness, a sweaty hand, a needle carelessly piercing her skin. No, she wasn’t ready to forgive yet. The last touch so gentle it hardly counted, Jordan brushing a lock of hair out of Elliot’s face, trying to ignore the sickly yellow look of her skin. She closed her eyes and sighed, gathering herself. The last touch was weak and powerful at the same time, Elliot reaching out and grabbing Jordan’s hand. She barely had enough energy for even that, and her hand dropped soon after. Jordan couldn’t even remember the last time they had sex, only that it was before Elliot was diagnosed, before they were too scared. Even if it wasn’t contagious, Jordan would’ve been scared – Elliot just looked so weak, so insubstantial, almost see-through. Just touching her made Jordan scared she would break her, let alone what they usually did. The last night wasn’t as bad as Jordan thought it would be. By then Elliot was on enough morphine that she didn’t feel anything, and Jordan managed to ignore the fact that even the whites of Elliot’s eyes were now yellow. They stayed up most of the night talking and actually laughing, reminiscing about the old days. The last morning was quiet, Elliot sleeping through most of it and Jordan just sitting there, holding her hand. JD and Perry came in silently, checking her vitals and adjusting the medication. Turk and Carla came in whenever they could, but it was a busy morning, and they each had more than enough to do. The last real fight, a huge blowout with Kelso over whether she could keep her job. The words echoed through the hospital, eventually finding their way back to Elliot’s patients who asked for different doctors. Eventually she ended up leaving anyway, trying to go out with all the dignity she could manage. The last date, Jordan sneaking in a candle and Italian food from their favorite place. Kelso either found a shred of humanity in himself or was threatened by most of the staff and he wheeled in his own TV so they could watch a movie together. The last I love yous, whispered through tears. Jordan squeezed Elliot’s hand as hard as she could, silently begging her to get better, to somehow snap out of it or jump out of bed and say it was all a joke. But instead Elliot’s breath hitched one last time and she died, her hand slipping through Jordan’s to rest on the bed. The last time Jordan would ever be happy, truly happy, for the rest of her life. |
My 40 Snapshotsby Nicole Merrill |
