My Life

Chapter Seven - My Confession

JD wished he could push on his hip to see if the pain would somehow stop just a little. He groaned and struggled to keep his hands away from it. JD had always been the sort of kid whom, when faced with a scrape, would pick at it to see if it would make it feel better.

Though the nick to the pelvic bone was little more than a small hairline fracture, poking it could mean the difference between a month of recovery time versus three. He already had at least one to three brilliant months of physical therapy to make his knee work again; he wasn't sure he wanted to risk turning it into half of the year.

Elliot poked her head in with a smile. "Hi, JD," she said cheerfully as she walked in. She held JD's backpack in her hand. "I brought you some of your text books and some of the notes I've been taking in case you wanted to study."

JD smiled grimly. That meant he had to be falling behind. "Thanks, Elliot," he said as he took his backpack and put it on the nightstand beside the bed. "You off your shift?"

Elliot nodded. "I've got plans in about an hour, but I thought I'd come in and see you. I haven't had much time lately."

"I wouldn't think so. With Perry and me both out right now, I don't guess Kelso's worried about the budget as much."

"Of course he is," Elliot replied with a roll of her eyes. "The man doesn't worry about anything else. You nervous about surgery?"

"Na, not really," JD replied but his stomach was quivering already in anticipation (though the surgery was still four days away). "I can take it."

"How are you feeling anyway?"

"Like I got shot three times, you?" he answered dryly.

"Funny," Elliot said, nodding her head with a slight note of sarcasm. "Seriously. How are you doing?"

"Alright," JD replied with a shrug. "I've never liked guns much. I don't guess this is helping it, is it?" He leaned his head back. "And I'm sick of this bed. My tushie's been numb for about three hours now."

"And that's different from sitting on the couch watching TV for three hours how exactly?"

"Attitude today, then," JD remarked with a smirk. "Jordan must be rubbing off on you somehow."

"Don't joke; my ass still hurts," Elliot muttered with thinking, and clapped a hand over her mouth. Her face turned slightly pink.

JD chuckled at that. "Elliot, Carla told me like…two days ago. How the hell did you manage Dragon again?"

Elliot shrugged. "The same way you managed Dr. "Look at me, look at me"."

Now JD's ears turned red as he fought to keep it from spreading to his cheeks. "Come on, Elliot…you know it's not like that."

"Yeah. Did I mention, by the way, that a monkey flew out of my ass the other day and kissed Dr. Kelso?"

"That must've been cool," JD returned smoothly.

Elliot narrowed her eyes at him. "What do you think about it?"

"My opinion shouldn't matter, Elliot."

"I wouldn't mind hearing it for once," she replied wryly as she propped her feet on his bed, taking care to avoid his lower body. "We haven't talked in a while; I've missed us talking."

"Well…in my most coveted opinion then," JD replied with a laugh. "The first thought that comes to mind is that I am so honestly sorry that I can't be there."

Elliot rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at him. "Real mature."

"Pot calling?"

"Shut up, kettle."

"Hey, you asked." JD shifted slightly with a cringe.

"Do you need any pain meds?" Elliot asked with concern.

"Na, I'm a tough guy. I can take it."

Elliot burst into laughter and abruptly stopped at JD's look. "Oh, you were serious."

"But other then that first thought…hey, if shrill, high pitched demons with a penchant for ruining the lives of everyone around them is what you're after, go for it."

"You're one to talk."

"Hey, I told you," JD replied stubbornly. "It's not like that."

"I did tell you about the flying monkey, right?" Elliot leaned back, crossing her hands over her hips. "What is it then?"

"Elliot, I'm not sure I'm all that comfortable talking about it." JD wished his ears would return to their normal pasty shade.

"JD, I'm just asking. Carla and Laverne have been whispering about it since Dr. Cox started spending nights here when you were first admitted. Even Turk's coming around and asking Carla what she knows."

JD shrugged. "Turk's a cool kind of guy like that. He was just really worried earlier." He crossed his arms gently, trying to avoid making the bandage over his shoulder and collarbone move. "There really isn't much to tell."

"Oh yeah? Explain this then." Elliot whipped out her cell phone and showed JD a picture Jordan had taken weeks ago.

JD's mouth dropped slightly in surprise and indignation. "Satan told me that she took that for Turk, not you."

"She wasn't lying," Elliot replied simply. "Turk sent it to Carla, and she sent it to me. You should know by now that at Sacred Heart, nothing is actually sacred."

"Look, Elliot…what do you want me to say?"

"I want you tell me how you feel."

Perry stepped off the elevator at that point with Jordan ranting about something behind his back. Jack burbled on her hip, reaching for the baby bag over Perry's shoulder.

Jordan grabbed a hold of the hood on Perry's sweatshirt before he could enter JD's room. He jerked backwards and shot her a glare of irritation.

"Hang on, minion."

Perry sent her a withering glance. "What?" But then JD's voice came out calm and slightly annoyed.

"Elliot, I just think…look, you already know how much I really don't want to discuss this with you."

"I'm going to beat it out of you eventually. If I don't, Carla sure as hell will. What's going on, JD?"

"Jeez," JD muttered, rubbing a hand over his face. "Look, I really like the guy. He's great. Hell, to the best of my knowledge, he's been clean for a few days now, maybe longer."

"Do you like him?" Elliot asked teasingly, and clapped at the bright red of JD's face.

"Stop it," JD snapped irritatingly. "Just because you're willing to come right out and talk about She-who-must-not-be-named doesn't mean I'm willing to talk about You-know-who."

Elliot laughed at that. "You're still not over that Harry Potter thing, are you?"

JD glanced off to the side in thought, wondering if someone might bring him his wizard's hat so he could wear it into surgery. He shook himself back to Elliot.

Finally, he sighed in vague defeat. "I really do…care about him. I'm just not so sure if for one, he really feels the same way or if it was just the drugs talking, or two, that he'd even want to pursue it in the future. It's rough territory, and I'm having trouble walking as it is."

"But if he's getting better, what's the problem?"

"Ho-kay, I think that's enough of that," Perry stated sharply as he entered the room. "Fascinating though it may be, Barbie, I don't think it's much your business."

Jordan shrugged beside of him as Jack grabbed her hair affectionately. "I've tried telling her that; she doesn't listen very well."

Elliot's ears turned pink as she put her feet on the floor and stood. "I'll just…leave now, I think."

"You're ruining the moment, blondie," Jordan replied smoothly and plopped Jack into her lap, forcing Elliot back to the chair.

Jack promptly squealed and fisted both his hands into Elliot's hair with a vice-like grip.

Elliot yelped as her head was jerked down.

Perry smirked at that as he pushed his hands into his pockets. "Don't whimper, Barbie. That means he likes you."

Jack giggled and yanked harder, eliciting another groan from Elliot.

"You know, I really want to pick the little guy up, I do," Perry started. "But some things are just too funny to be disturbed."

Jordan sat on the edge of JD's bed while Perry knelt on the floor next to Elliot to make faces at Jack.

"Tell me, DJ," Jordan asked casually. "Where's the part where you really care about him again?"

JD wondered if faces were actually meant to turn red and purple at the same time. "Why is it you can be nosy when I can't?" he asked petulantly, though he hadn't meant for his voice to sound quite so childish.

"Because I'm a grown-up lady, and you're still buying push-up bras," she replied with a wave of her fingers. "But seriously, DJ," she went on as she stood and leaned near his ear.

Perry raised a suspicious eyebrow at that, but returned to Jack.

Jordan's cool tone didn't change as she spoke in a private tone. "You've got to take a chance. Macho-man over there is an emotional train wreck; you know that. Between that and what he's already been through, the best thing you can do right now is grow a pair of balls to match what I know is already there." She stood back up and patted his head. "Now can you do that, sport?"

JD grudgingly nodded.

"Now see, that wasn't so difficult, was it?" she asked with a cheerful smile. "Hey princess. You ready to go?"

Elliot glanced up where Jack was still playing on her lap. "Yeah." She handed Jack off to Perry.

"C'mere, big guy," Perry said affectionately, rushing him up and back down again.

Jordan slapped his uninjured shoulder. "Don't do that; you'll make him puke."

Perry turned Jack slightly so that he was pointed at the two women. "Go ahead, Jack. It's okay now."

Jordan gave him a withering look and gestured Elliot out the door. "I'm just going to say goodbye to Jack. I know you don't need me to hold your hand out the door, scoot."

Elliot rolled her eyes at that, but still walked out of the room after she'd waved to JD with a wink.

JD wondered if the Grand Canyon was a big enough hole to fall into.

Jordan kissed Jack affectionately, making sure her voice was clear beside Perry's ear.

"Now, I'm done after this trying to play matchmaker between you two. If you screw this up, it's on you. Don't sacrifice being happy because you can't forgive yourself for what wasn't your fault in the first place."

"You're just full of advice tonight," Perry muttered as Jordan tickled Jack affectionately.

"It's not advice," Jordan replied with a raised eyebrow. "It's the truth." She waved to them both with a last look to JD and joined Elliot outside of the room.

JD craned his neck to make sure the door was shut and that they were really gone before he looked at Perry incredulously.

"How in God's name did you stay married to her that long?" JD asked when he was certain she couldn't hear him.

Perry glanced sideways at him as he bounced Jack on his knee. "Great sex."

"Sex buddies," JD said knowingly as he thought briefly of past relationships. He could hear the trumpets now.

"What'd she have to say to you?" Perry asked as he tossed Jack lightly in the air now that Jordan was gone. Jack gave a delighted giggle.

"Just something about chance," JD mumbled. "You?"

"Forgiveness," the older man replied as he turned Jack to face JD.

Jack looked at him for a minute. "An' Cawol!"

JD groaned. "Can't you teach him to call me something else?"

"And ruin the fun? Not on your life, Aunt Carol," Perry replied. "It'll just confuse the little guy."

"Jordan spawned him with your seed; I think he's confused enough."

"What's making you so cheeky?" Perry asked, feeling like he should look over his shoulder. He was beginning to get used to the paranoid feeling, but was determined not to indulge it tonight.

JD shrugged. "You caught me after a heart-to-heart with Elliot. Besides, I can tell off who I want to."

Perry looked at him with a mockingly tired gaze. "Newbie, that might just possibly be the second dumbest thing I've ever heard you say since meeting you."

JD frowned. "What's the first?"

"Something about your peep being on the fritz," Perry replied. "Though I have to tell you, Jenny, that one just made my day."

"I bet it wouldn't be funny if it was you."

"That's the difference, Newbie. It's never been me," he replied pointedly. "And if that's going to be a problem…?"

Curse you, face-addicted blood! JD muttered in his head as his face turned pink again.

Some part of Perry felt proud that JD's face had been constantly reddish all night. "You're not running a fever, are you, Newbie?" he asked casually.

"No," JD said quickly, but his voice cracked slightly.

Jack reached up with quick arms, effectively knocking his father square in the chin. Perry's head jerked back slightly as he grunted.

JD snorted in laughter at that. "There's a good boy, yes you are."

"You want to play with Aunt Carol?" Perry asked, and before Jack or JD had anything to say about it, Perry plunked him down beside of JD, keeping a secure hold around his waist to make sure he didn't crawl about too much.

With a squeal, Jack promptly latched his hands to JD's hair and pulled hard.

JD cringed. "Why, god, did you give this child the hands of a pro-wrestler?" he murmured, voice slightly squeaky with pain. "You'd think he was trying to pull my hair out for a souvenir."

"Come on, Newbie, that was just a love-tug," Perry pointed out, and pried Jack's hands away from JD's hair. "If you play your cards right, I might attempt to show you the difference."

The heat in his cheeks didn't fade for at least twenty minutes as Jack crowed and talked while he played with his toys.

"Perry, a word?" Dr. Kelso asked outside of the room. He didn't sound happy.

"You think you can handle him for a minute, Newbie?" Perry asked carefully.

"Little guy's fine," JD assured him. "I can keep him in line."

"Or he'll kick your ass." Perry stood and met Dr. Kelso in the corridor. He shut the door behind him. "Something wrong, Bobbo?"

"How is your recovery coming along?" Dr. Kelso managed in slightly forced tones. He turned his head, where Carla waved a hand at him as she prepared to leave for the night.

Perry linked his fingers over his head. "Oh, it's coming, Bobcat. Now that you've forced that out of your system, what do you really want?"

"Ted will be sending the necessary paperwork for you to sign when you're ready to return to work," Dr. Kelso went on, eyes crinkling. "There will, of course, be certain stipulations that you'll have to follow."

"Less rights, less benefits, yadda yadda yadda. Is there anything else? Or can I return to spending time with my son and a friend?"

The old man narrowed his eyes slightly. "Keep those damn kiddie toys down."

"I'll get right on that, yeah." Perry turned and walked back into the room.

Dr. Kelso watched him sit back down on the bed with JD and the small blonde boy.

"I knew from the day I saw his hairstyle," Dr. Kelso muttered and walked the opposite direction, voice still grumbling incoherently.

Perry took Jack from JD again.

"What'd Dr. Kelso want?" JD asked curiously.

"Let me think for a minute, Newbie," Perry said with a raised eyebrow. "Oh yeah, now I remember. He wanted to let me know that it's totally not your business."

JD rolled his eyes and let Jack play with his hand. "Surely not about returning to work, right?"

"Mentioned something about it," Perry commented without commitment. "More along the lines of paperwork and stipulations. I think what he really wanted was to complain about Jack's toys."

JD snorted. "He's three. Three-year-olds like noise and lights. He's got a kid of his own…somewhere."

"Not one Jack's age." Perry ruffled Jack's hair, but obligingly packed up the louder toys.

Jack, for his part, didn't seem to mind. He was still flopping JD's hand around in the air with a bright grin on his face.

"He's got Jordan's smile," JD remarked.

Perry snorted. "Satan's kid. Probably looks like an imp."

"More like he's up to something," the younger doctor murmured. "Your eyes though, so he's gotta be."

Jack gave him a curious stare. "Hunh?" he asked.

"See, he's plotting already," JD sighed, blowing a strand of hair from his eyes. Carla had kept forgetting to bring him his hair gel, and Turk refused to be seen with it. "He's going to try and choke me in my sleep."

"Just because he could, doesn't mean he will," Perry remarked. "How's your pain control?"

JD shifted in the bed again. "My ass has been sore for four hours."

Perry jabbed his unhurt arm. "Don't say that word in front of him."

"Okay, Mommy." JD winced when Perry jabbed him again. "Would you prefer if I'd just said Jordan's minion?"

"Say, Newbie, I don't know where all this newfound confidence of yours is coming from, but if you don't stop making that re-heally poor attempt at being a big boy, I'm gonna have to make sure you know just exactly where your place is at."

Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it, JD chanted in his head. "Above you, you mean." You weren't supposed to say that, dork!

When JD saw the familiar tic above Perry's eye, he grabbed Jack and held him in front of his face.

"That's just not fair, Newbie. Using my own son as a body shield?"

"Could you really yell at a face like this?" JD asked carefully, barely lifting his eyes above Jack's head.

"No." Perry took Jack, who looked confused. "But I can at that face."

"Come on, you wouldn't yell at a guy with a busted knee cap, would you?"

Balancing Jack carefully on his hip and securing him with one arm, Perry pushed his other arm carefully against JD's shoulder. He pressed him back into the bed and leaned his face in so close that their lips were barely a breath away from each other.

JD took in a sharp breath and he pushed his head backwards as best he could.

"So where's that place of yours, Newbie?" Perry pushed his mouth against JD's in a near-bruising kiss, the cast on his arm pressing hard into JD's unhurt shoulder.

JD gasped in surprise again, promptly allowing Perry full access to explore his mouth. A small groan sounded in the back of JD's throat, and one of his hands clutched at Perry's sweatshirt. He tried to push closer, but Perry only pushed harder.

It was when a small fist twisted into both of their hair that they yanked away in surprise.

"Probably not something we should do in front of Jack," JD murmured, and Perry noted with interest that JD's face was once again red.

Perry snorted at JD's concern. "You obviously don't know Jordan half as well as you think."

JD closed his hands over his ears. "I'm so not listening to that."

With a smile, and feeling better than he had in a long time, Perry pressed an affectionate, sloppy kiss to JD's mouth.

"What was that for?" JD asked. Something lifted in his heart to make his brain feel fuzzier then any other drug he'd ever been given thus far.

Perry shrugged. "You know, it'll never be easy," he finally said after a moment. "I can't say for sure when I'm ever going to be alright again, or even if I'll be good at it. I'll try though. And why do I need a reason?"

JD's face stayed red as he picked at the blanket, staring hard at the hem.

"Newbie, a reply would be nice, or are you just beside yourself with emotion?"

With a laugh, JD finally looked up. His eyes were clear, and there was a ghost of a smile on his face.

"I won't give up if you don't."

Perry grinned and plopped Jack down on the bed again. "Deal, JD."

XXXXXXXXX

Elliot played with her straw as Carla and Jordan spoke rapidly over the music.

"Hey, princess. Feel free to join in any time," Jordan remarked dryly. When Elliot didn't reply, Jordan snapped her fingers underneath Elliot's nose. "Lost in the land of those who are ditzy?"

Shaking her head from her daze, Elliot shook her head and sipped her drink. "I was just thinking about Dr. Cox and JD."

Jordan raised an eyebrow. "I might be insulted to some degree. I know you might get bored every now and again, but surely we don't need to liven it up that much."

Carla snickered, more then a little buzzed. "Elliot, you don't need to worry about Perry and JD. They'll either make it a total SNAFU or they'll get it together."

With a snort, Jordan tossed back her first shot and licked salt off of the soft skin between thumb and index finger. She opened her mouth at the same time as Elliot.

"Have you met Perry?"

"Have you met JD?"

Jordan and Elliot looked at each other at the same time and shook their heads simultaneously.

Carla, for her part, seemed to think it was hilarious. "Turk and I do that all the time!" she giggled. She nearly fell off her chair, but managed to grab the table at the last minute.

"If there's a way to screw up a good thing, JD will find it," Elliot went on when she was sure Jordan wasn't going to speak. "He's sabotaged nearly every relationship he's ever had since he started his internship."

"That sounds familiar," Jordan replied as she rested a chin on her hand, eyeing the red shot in front of Elliot enviously. She had agreed to be the designated driver that night, as she was the only one who had to be somewhere in the morning.

"JD wouldn't know how to talk to a girl even if she dressed like a guy," Elliot elaborated after a moment. "He thinks if the "guys" think it's funny, then the "girls" will think it's funny too."

"Bodily functions abound, I'm sure," Jordan replied coolly.

"Ooh, that whole "count it" thing?" Carla asked, looking over at Elliot.

Elliot rolled her eyes and finally knocked back the shot of strawberry schnapps in front of her.

"Falling asleep after sex too," Jordan replied. For her part, she wished she could drink with them, but the frustration of men and their endless ways of amusing themselves suited her just fine. "You can't forget that one."

"Or how often they want it," Carla muttered.

Jordan grinned at that and gave Elliot a stare that had the blonde girl sputtering into her drink. She rapped Elliot on the back.

"You okay, princess?" Jordan asked with a slightly mischievous note to her voice.

Carla groaned. "Oh, don't flirt in front of me; it's weird!" She sipped from her glass. "Tell me again how you two ended up doing…whatever it is you two do?"

Elliot choked again on her drink, but Jordan only gave Carla a slow look.

"You see, it all started with this silly rape whistle," Jordan started and Elliot let her head fall on her arms in embarrassment.

XXXXXXXX

Jordan entered the room quietly in case Jack was sleeping. When she rounded the small corner, she stopped and her normally cool face warmed into a smile.

Perry was still awake. He sat in the chair, legs propped up and crossed on the edge of JD's bed. One arm was lazily draped to his side, his other hand raised to his mouth in slight thought.

JD lay still, but Jordan was fairly certain the kid wasn't asleep. He had Jack propped under his arm. The small boy was snoozing lightly there, one fist still clutched in JD's hair.

Jordan smiled despite herself until JD looked up to meet Perry's stare. From her viewpoint, she could see the faintest of grins cross over Perry's face to meet JD's calm smile.

It was Perry's smile, perhaps, that made her stay still for a moment. She hadn't seen that smile on him in a long time, maybe even years. Jordan wasn't sure how long she remained where she was at, but then JD seemed to notice she was there.

"Hey, Jordan," JD said softly. His voice was vaguely groggy with sleep, and his eyes were tired.

"Hey, boys," she said affectionately, and walked into the room quietly.

Perry turned his head to look at her as he stood with the baby bag in hand. "Do you want help taking this down?"

"Do you mind, DJ?" Jordan asked.

JD shook his head. "Be my guest." He pressed his lips gently to Jack's head. "Night, Jack-jack."

Jordan carefully picked up Jack, who stirred slightly, but didn't wake as she wrapped his arms around her neck.

"Thanks for watching him tonight," Jordan said quietly as she hitched him up gently to rest him into a more stable position on her hip.

JD shrugged. "My pleasure."

Perry shouldered the bag. "Be back in a minute." He and Jordan walked to the elevator, and out to Jordan's car. Elliot was dead asleep in the front seat. "Fun night?" he asked quietly as Jordan maneuvered Jack into his car seat.

Jordan smirked. "Insanely. We had Carla fascinated all night."

Perry laughed and crossed his arms after sliding the bag into the floorboard beneath Jack's feet. Jordan quietly shut the door and turned to face Perry with a knowing grin on her face.

"So…who made the first move?" she asked bluntly.

"I always insisted that you were a nosy demon lady spawned from Satan's womb," Perry muttered, but Jordan rolled her eyes at the familiar barb.

"Well?"

"I did. Newbie said you'd told him something about chance, and it stuck with me."

Jordan grinned. "I did." She kissed him lightly on the cheek. "You looked happy, before I came in."

"I was. I am, right now. I can't say about tomorrow."

"Live for today, Perry." She tilted her head up impishly, looking so young and fresh that Perry felt his heart lurch with memories gone long ago. "Just make sure you are greedy enough to want tomorrow too."

Perry hugged her loosely around the shoulders. "You know, it was good for a while. A long time, really."

Jordan released his waist and her grin never faltered. "If you keep living in the past, you'll never be able to make it much further then present in order to start your future."

"Did you read that off of a Cheerios box?" he asked skeptically.

"Cynic." She crossed her arms as he walked her to her car door. "It was Corn Flakes."

Perry laughed and opened her door. "Make sure and bring Jack by often."

"Make sure to be a stranger."

Still chuckling to himself, Perry crossed his arms as she drove off. A cool wind blew past his ears, and he whirled around.

Though he saw nothing in the darkness, he still felt something watching him. It was very much like the first night that had turned everything into drug-induced spirals, where he had woken to find no one. But someone had still been there.

Struggling to hold on to whatever he could, Perry took deep breaths and headed back into the hospital.

But even as the doors to Sacred Heart swished open, he swore he heard cold laughter trailing on the wind.

Continues with Chapter 8