My Life

Chapter 12

Though Perry wasn't technically allowed from his room, Elliot and Carla had put their heads together to get him into JD's room that evening. Though Turk didn't look comfortable with it, he'd managed to sneak a couple of cheeseburgers from the bar in for them.

Closing the door behind him, Turk leaned against it, shaking his head in a manner that had Carla raising an eyebrow at him.

"What is it?" she finally asked.

Turk shrugged and gave her a quick hug and kiss. "I didn't know whether to tell him to hit that or to get hit."

Carla dissolved into laughter and kissed him affectionately. "You're so cute when you're confused like that."

"Come on, woman…I'm trying."

"And you're doing a wonderful job, baby," she affirmed for him as they walked down the hallway together.

JD plowed through the burger with enthusiasm. "Yeah, I don't guess I can live here then. You don't know how bad hospital food is until someone brings you real food."

Perry snorted at that, only able to eat half of his burger. His nerves were still on edge with the task set before him for tomorrow.

"What's the plan for getting Jack back then? I heard the cops were in your room earlier."

The older man debated a minute on whether or not to go into details, especially when he was no longer sure what was a hallucination and what was reality.

JD sighed as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Look, I'm not saying I can even help you with this. I just promised you a long time ago that I'd try and be there as best I could. You told me once that you'd let me."

Perry shrugged. Either way, JD was going to pull it out of him sooner or later. "Josh called this afternoon. I'll be meeting him tomorrow evening over at the fairgrounds where they do that dippy little fair every year."

JD nodded as he threw away the greasy paper his burger had come in and began wiping sanitizer over his hands.

"Same terms as before," Perry elaborated. "I have to be there alone."

With a frown, JD crossed his arms. "How did he get your cell phone number?"

Perry shrugged uncomfortably. "That's just it, Newbie. I don't know. This guy knows things that you'd have to be there to know. When I was talking to him, he knew there were two police officers in the room. He knew about Hellcat and Barbie. He knew that I'd had a hallucination of him this morning in my room."

"That's creepy," JD replied uncomfortably, picking at the hem of his blanket. He had goosebumps spreading over his arms now. "He had to have been around here somewhere."

"If he was, Gretchen, I couldn't see him," Perry shrugged. "And hell if I know if this morning was a hallucination or not."

The frown still on his face, JD wiped his hands over his hospital gown. "Something's not clicking."

"I'll tell you a secret, Newbie. A lot of things don't click for you half the time," Perry retorted smartly in an attempt to lighten the mood. He didn't want what could be his last night with Newbie to be spent worrying about tomorrow. He smiled at JD and wrapped up the rest of his burger before taking the kid's hand. "Between the daydreaming and la-la land, it's a wonder you know where you're at half the time."

"I just don't a very big attention span." Mockingly, JD turned his head to an invisible item on the bed. "Ooh, shiny…"

Perry cuffed him lightly on the knee, and left his hand there as an afterthought. "You know not a whole lot of this is easy for me, and because of that, it's not so easy for you."

JD grinned at him impishly. "Since when did mean old Dr. Cox start becoming a softie?"

Perry smiled with a touch of self-deprecation at the edges. "At the corner of psycho and kidnapped son." He sighed. "Somewhere between gunshots and drugs. Name something in the past month or so, and that'll say it all."

Cautiously and a bit uncertainly, JD covered Perry's hand with his own. "Well, we're still here."

"We are one screwed-up couple," Perry said with a bark of laughter that sounded odd to both their ears. "Between Jordan, you, and Barbie…"

JD snorted with laughter at that, remembering how Elliot had determined they could become even.

"If Elliot tries to sleep with you, don't say I didn't warn you," JD replied.

Perry looked so genuinely confused at the remark that JD laughed again. "Come again, Frida?"

"Long story," JD explained. He squeezed Perry's hand lightly. "So where are we going with this anyway?"

"About two months ago, Janice, I wouldn't have really been able to say." Perry slid further up the bed so that he was closer to JD's face. "I probably would've yelled at you, called you a girl's name, and left you crying in the hallway."

"Your rants don't make me cry," JD protested.

"Not publicly." Perry slid a hand up JD's arm, raising the goosebumps anew. "Look, JD…I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, but I'm going to do everything I can to get Jack home safely."

"You're coming back," JD only protested stubbornly. "You and Jack. And then you're going to get better."

The kid's faith was admirable at best, but Perry already had a sinking feeling of how well the confrontation was going to go tomorrow.

"I never thought it'd turn out like this," Perry finally went on. His voice was slightly rough. "I'm not used to saying stuff like this, Newbie. You know I'm not very good at it. Back in the house the very first time, I knew I was going crazy. And you were the only thing that I could keep focused on, you were the only thing there that made any sense at all."

JD's heart wriggled its way into his throat as one of Perry's hands cupped the side of his face, nearly encompassing his entire cheek. His fingers drifted over JD's ear as his expression, which had been tense for days, slowly softened into an unreadable expression.

"I can't stand needing anyone, Newbie. We haven't been working together as long as we have for you not to know that. But that was the only thing I knew I couldn't live without while I was lying on that floor, day after day. So you've got to let me know, Shirley, when you became such an important person in my life that you were the vision of choice when it could've been anyone else."

JD found he couldn't speak by this point. He tried to clear his throat, feeling oddly like Perry was half saying goodbye to him.

"Somewhere at the corner of wants and needs," JD finally replied when he trusted himself to speak as his hand drifted to close over Perry's on his face. "That's my best guess."

Perry only laughed at him. JD stared at him for a long moment, trying to read the expression over the older man's face.

"You're not coming back tomorrow, are you?"

Looking at the earnest face, Perry sighed and pulled him into a loose hug. "No. I'm probably not."

"Will you live?"

"Probably."

"And Jack will be safe."

"I wouldn't do it otherwise." The hand on JD's face slowly slid into his hair. "He's my son."

"I'd do the same."

"I know, Newbie." Slowly pressing kisses along JD's neck, Perry worked his way up JD's neck and jawline, settling one of his hands against the younger's uninjured hip.

Perry felt a hand sift through his too-long hair, tugging insistently at the curls in an attempt to pull him in for a kiss. Smiling gently against JD's cheek, Perry tightened his hold on the other's neck.

"God, you're impatient, Rosie," Perry admonished him, but was grinning when he slipped in for a deeper kiss that rocked the bed beneath JD. The hand in his curly hair tightened slightly as JD pressed in closer and grew more confident. He gently explored the darker flavors of Perry's mouth with his tongue, running along teeth and lips.

Perry stifled a moan. God, can the kid kiss though…Pushing JD slowly back into the sheets, he felt a tentative hand run up his arm and the ghost of a touch over his chest.

"I won't break," Perry muttered, hand tightening on JD's slender hip.

But JD only snorted at that. "Neither will I."

"Good point." A rush of breath left JD's mouth as Perry used an arm to pin his shoulders down and attack his mouth with a vengeance, taking what he wanted and giving as much in return. The hand on his hip trailed up and mercilessly tweaked at a nipple through the t-shirt JD wore.

JD wondered what the big deal about oxygen was as he cautiously let a hand wander to Perry's waistline, eliciting a near inaudible groan from his partner.

Perry nipped at JD's lower lip, and moved to his neck to bite hard at his collarbone.

"Are you sure we should be doing this with your arm like that?" JD finally managed to ask breathlessly when he thought his brain could form words.

"Let me worry about that. When's the next chance going to be for us?"

"Okay."

Perry raised an eyebrow at the lack of argument, but took it as a good sign to keep going. Trying to make his kiss slightly less bruising, he licked at JD's lips and smirked at the resulting shudder.

And the tremble was returned in full when JD, latching his mouth to Perry's almost desperately, slid a hand past the waistline of Perry's blue scrubs to wrap a hand around the older's erection.

His breath caught in his throat, strangled as the slender, almost feminine hand gave a cautious squeeze.

"You're not breathing," an amused voice said against his mouth.

The only answer was a grunt and a roll of the hips as JD tried to recall how he liked it, and dragged a thumb over the tip of Perry's erection.

The consequential whimper gave JD more confidence as he pulled his hand up and down, twisting and pulling at the soft skin. Perry's breathing grew short and erratic against JD's mouth, a hand twining itself into his wavy, dark hair.

"Christ," Perry muttered sharply, and brought his mouth back down to JD's neck to lick and suck at the pale skin there. His hand tightened in JD's hair at when the younger doctor slipped a thumb over a particularly sensitive spot. His head dropped to JD's shoulder, hips rolling into a hot fist.

JD pushed Perry's head off his shoulder to latch his mouth to his again, a quick and clever tongue exploiting his mouth to the fullest extent.

Perry groaned at the thought of what else that talented mouth could do, and thrust hard into JD's hand as he struggled to pull his scrubs bottoms down to allow more free movement. He finally managed to slide them over his hips, but had to sit up to do so.

JD looked at him in an almost lazy fashion, apologetic that there was no way his hip could allow him to lean over. It did however, give him a fantastic view of Perry's tense face as his head fell backwards, propping himself up on his hands.

"Fuck," the older man swore sharply and leaned back down to capture JD's mouth again and used a hand to slide over the bulge in JD's plaid pajama pants. The hand over his own cock stopped a moment, and Perry brought his own hand to JD's to make sure it continued to move.

Struggling to concentrate on Perry alone and not able to ignore the large hand manipulating him through the blankets, JD let a gasp rip from his throat as he watched Perry move his hand in tandem with his.

Perry felt it building too soon and struggled to get him to slow down. JD was having none of that as the blood rushed faster through his veins. He shoved his own hips against Perry's hand, feeling a familiar twinge of pain in his hip. He wasn't inclined to pay much attention to it, not when Perry's head was thrown back with an unfocused look of pure ecstasy on his face. JD grabbed a hold of Perry's hair and brought him down for a dark kiss full of promises, secrets, and the future.

A groan ripped through him as JD's hand moved faster and faster, and the movements became erratic and desperate. The hand that had been groping JD sloppily under the covers until now jerked at JD's hair to keep his face planted to his own.

JD bit sharply at Perry's tongue suddenly, and tightened his grip as he pumped harder and clenched his fingers through the longish curls.

The orgasm ripped through him with unexpected strength, coming hard around the hand that still teased and taunted every last bit of pleasure from his body.

As the ripples of it began to leave his weak muscles, Perry tasted copper on his tongue and stared at JD, whose bottom lip was bleeding slightly. He only gave an apologetic look.

Pulling some of the spare napkins down, Perry made quick work of cleaning himself up after a quick debate of how to go about returning the favor without causing further injury.

He pulled the blankets over JD's hips, tugging the pajama bottoms down with them.

"I'm holding your hip down so you won't injure the other," Perry explained.

JD began to reply that he was more then capable of taking care to avoid further injury, but that was before Perry had spit quickly into his hand and dragged fingers over JD's near-purple cock.

The whimper that escaped his mouth was music to Perry's ears as he grinned and pushed the uninjured hip down to keep JD from meeting his hand. JD only whimpered against as his breath caught in his throat at the light restraint.

If there was a future for the both of them, Perry filed that away for reference. Still, his fingers danced over the erection almost teasingly before he wrapped his hand around him to begin moving.

JD covered his mouth with his hand, biting down on a knuckle to keep from yelling out as another sneaking hand found its way to his hair again. A part of his hazed mind wondered what it was with his hair to people.

The thought left as quickly as it had come when he felt the ghost of a mouth over his nipple, followed by the scrape of teeth just to the side. Perry's mouth trailed over JD's collarbone, leaving JD to wonder when the other man had pushed his shirt up to attack the pale skin.

A purple mark bloomed where Perry's teeth had bitten a slight too hard on his neck, and he managed to worm a hand into Perry's hair all over again, fingers twirling around the too-long hair.

JD whimpered and attempted to push against the slowly moving hand again. "Christ on a cross, can't you go any faster?" he groaned in a panting voice rough with need and arousal.

"Still impatient, are you, Regina?" Perry whispered against the soft skin of JD's stomach. The rough material of Perry's cast dragged across JD's arm.

JD yanked Perry's head back to his to kiss him hard. The coppery taste of his bruised lips and tongue filled Perry's mouth as JD struggled to will him to move faster with the kiss.

"I love you, JD."

JD felt his heart skip a beat and his breath hitch again as he scraped his hand through the tangled mess of Perry's hair and the beginnings of what promised to be an excellent orgasm.

"Tell me you love me too, JD," Perry pleaded hoarsely against JD's mouth. "Tell me."

JD wasn't sure he could say anything as he thrust hard into Perry's hand, knowing that he could stop breathing and die for all that he cared for what was going on around him. He just knew that if that hand stopped- oh Christ-that the world would implode around him, and who cared about breathing anyway; it was really stupid to carry on doing that all the time, and when you stopped breathing, it meant it was good, and Jesus, fuck was Perry ever good at this…

"I love you too, Perry," JD finally managed to rasp out against Perry's mouth. "Please…"

Perry's hand suddenly sped up without his mouth leaving JD's again. JD gave a cry of relief into Perry's lips as time stopped enough for the orgasm to tear through his body and mind harder then anything he could remember for a long time.

JD was slightly embarrassed as he realized he was shaking and had trouble focusing as Perry continued to kiss him soothingly back down to earth.

"That was one hell of a send-off, Harriet," Perry managed to chuckle weakly against his lips.

JD wasn't sure he could form any kind of reply other then "ungh", and so decided it was best to stay quiet as he fumbled for a napkin to clean himself up.

Perry kissed his forehead lightly, pushing the dark, slightly sweat-dampened hair away.

"I really do love you," Perry said, voice still rough with emotion and desperation. "But you know why I'm doing what I have to tomorrow."

"It's because you have to," JD managed to mumble, though the words were slurred as he spoke. Perry helped him to pull the pajama pants back up, noticing the cringe of pain on JD's face as he did so.

"Your hip okay?" Perry asked lightly.

JD shrugged. "It hurts," he replied honestly. The impish grin ghosted over his face. "But so worth it."

"Newbie," Perry called him and kissed him affectionately again. He made to stand, but JD grabbed a hold of his wrist.

"If you're really leaving tomorrow," JD said quietly, eyes pleading and still bright with sex, "You'll stay with me tonight."

Perry looked at him for a long time, remembering the days and nights spent in the hospital as JD fought for life. If he let himself, he could remember the nights JD spent with him in the aftermath of psychotics and drugs.

"You owe me that much," JD implored softly, heart twisting in ways he wasn't sure was possible. It hurt terribly, and he wanted to do whatever it took to keep Perry there.

Perry nodded without a word and pulled a chair up, sliding his wrist gently from JD's grip to twine their fingers together.

"It sucks, huh," JD finally asked after a moment. "Of all the ways I thought it could end, I never thought it'd end this way."

Perry felt the smaller fingers grip at his as the gaze grew intense and difficult to keep holding. He couldn't look anywhere else though then at that softly pleading face.

"Good thing we've got a chance this time to say what we need to then," Perry finally said after a moment. "You'll keep an eye on Jack and Jordan?"

"You'll keep fighting?"

When they both said yes at the same time and laughed, Perry dipped his head to the blankets to rest it. Some part of him desperately wanted to stay awake, knowing that he would be trading his own freedom for Jack's in less then twenty-four hours.

"Make sure to take care of yourself too, Newbie," Perry pointed out to him.

"I could say the same of you," JD replied smartly as a thumb stroked the skin of his hand.

"I guess that's it then."

"Yeah." JD sighed, looking at their hands. "It could've been really awesome."

"It already is awesome," Perry corrected and hugged him tightly. "Besides, you'll always be there with me."

"Right beside you like always."

They sat together hugging for quite some time before Perry realized JD had drifted off to sleep in his arms. Though his arm had started to ache again, Perry couldn't bring himself to let go just yet.

The sickened feeling in his stomach told him he never would be able to let go.

XXXXXXX

Jordan waited nervously in the apartment with her mother the next evening. Tonight was the last chance. Tonight would mean either the utter destruction of her life or unbridled frantic relief. Holding her hands tightly in her lap, she glanced at the clock anxiously.

Her fingers clenched around each other. This time, it was for real.

This time, the police had agreed to follow Josh's demands (especially after the Sullivans' lawyer spoke with the station's attorney). And this time, if Jack didn't come home, it meant he was gone.

Jordan pushed the bile down her throat and with a fierceness that nearly undid her, wanted Blondie desperately with her.

JD wiped the sweat from his brow as he forced the metal knee to work. It hurt like hell (not to mention his hip was sore, he thought with a grin), but it was a good pain that meant he was getting stronger.

"Easy does it, John," the physical therapist coached him encouragingly.

Clenching his hands around the railings on either side of him, JD glanced at the clock and gripped the metal tubing harder as he took it one step at a time.

Perry would probably have just arrived at the old fairgrounds near the outskirts of town. The worry settled heavily into JD's stomach as he realized how real a danger it was that they'd never see Perry or Jack again.

Elliot sat quietly in her car as the sunset threw golden rays of pink and orange over her pale face. She squeezed the steering wheel tightly, trying to focus on calming her ever-present anxiety. Her knuckles turned white as she took her customary deep breaths in her attempts to settle her trembling system.

When her pager whined at her, she jumped and frowned. After looking at it and noting the number with some surprise, she picked up her call to return the call.

"What's up?" she asked carefully with fear in her voice. "Did something…?"

"Get over here, Princess. I don't want to do this by myself."

XXXXXX

Perry sat still in his car, taking deep breaths to calm his heart and curb the sick panic crawling through his body. When he thought he was as ready as he was ever going to be, he stepped out of the car and began walking over the grassy fields of the empty fairgrounds.

"Pacing Perry, how are you?" an amused, calm voice drawled out.

Perry jumped despite himself as he looked around for Josh. Instead, he saw a small figure making a beeline for him. His stomach dropping in a dead weight of ill relief, Perry kneeled down in time to scoop Jack into his arms.

Jack squealed at him. "Hi, Daddy!" the toddler crowed, completely unaware of the very real danger he had been in.

Perry crushed Jack to his chest, kissing his son hard on the head as the relief began to turn to nausea as Josh sauntered up to them.

"No kiss-kiss hello for me, Pacing Perry?" Josh asked curiously.

Perry stared at him, clutching Jack to him. "You couldn't have known that. What the hell is going on? How long have you been watching me?" he demanded, voice angry and scared.

"The stars told the pretty lights, they did, Pacing Perry. I heard you pacing and called you Pacing Perry, but you didn't listen to me, because you didn't know. At first the lights didn't believe the stars, but the stars know everything; they always know."

In a moment of shocked terror, everything clicked together like a key sliding into a heavy padlock in Perry's mind. He stared in white-faced horror as he clutched Jack closer to his body protectively and began to back up slowly.

Not sure which of the two tall, wiry men was actually Josh, Perry struggled to curb the sickness swirling in his stomach. The coldly calm one only grinned back at him with that knowing look of sick, twisted glee on his face. The gun flashed in the fading sun like white lightening. As Perry stared, his fingers tightened on Jack's back in hot fear, and Jack played with his cap, giggling at his father. His voice sounded raspy and shaky when he spoke.

"We had an agreement, Pacing Perry. I expect you now to honor it."

Joshua Andrews didn't have Disassociative Identity Disorder at all in the end.

And that was because Joshua Andrews was one of two identical twins.

Continues with Chapter 13