My Life

Chapter 11

JD was having trouble seeing anything that went on, but when Turk and Carla finally pulled Perry into a sitting position against the wall, JD saw the twisted angle of his nearly-healed forearm.

Perry's face was white with pain and tense with anger.

"Blondie, you gonna help or stare?" Jordan snapped.

Elliot shook herself from her daze and ran over to Perry's motionless body. The stethoscope she'd worn to work earlier was still around her neck.

Taking quick, basic vitals, she looked at the arm with a grimace. "We need to move him to a bed to set that. It's not safe at an angle like this. Stay with JD. We'll get him another doctor who's on the clock."

Without waiting for Jordan's reply, Carla and Turk, carrying Perry between them, walked out of the room with Elliot.

"You okay, DJ?" Jordan asked with a glance at JD's still stricken face.

JD clenched his fists around the fabric of the blanket. "When is this going to end?"

Jordan sighed and pushed the game away as she sat down on the bed. "It'll end when the guy wants it to."

JD felt tears rising to his eyes, but he bit his lip hard to keep them from falling. Blood trickled past his tongue.

Sighing, Jordan debated her options. Finally deciding that it couldn't hurt to help the kid out this one time (especially when she needed it so very much as well), she hugged him loosely around the shoulders.

"My stock warning is…"

"If I tell anyone, you'll rip my balls off and use them as jewelry," JD finished.

"Good. Now cry before you explode and ruin my jacket."

The utter absurdity of Jordan's statement punched JD in the stomach, and with a sudden heave of his chest, he began to sob.

Jordan gave a surprised look as he clutched at her waist. She sighed at the realization that JD really did care that much about Perry and Jack.

JD, for his part, couldn't bring himself to stop crying yet. The sobs turned into hiccups, and finally the tears seemed to slow.

Jordan removed her jacket when he finally lay back with red eyes and an exhausted face.

"Been working on that one a while, DJ?" she asked.

JD laughed weakly, but it sounded high-pitched. "Yeah, I guess I have," he replied hoarsely. "Everyone's got to break down sometime, don't they?"

"No one's perfect," Jordan supposed lightly as she sat back down and crossed her arms. "Except me."

JD shook his head with a weak smile. "Crying sucks," he finally said when the silence had stretched for a few moments.

"For once, and one time only, I agree." Jordan vaguely recalled her own bout with losing it in the bathroom earlier that day. She shook her head. "You know that you'll be okay in the end of it, right?"

JD only gave her a tired look. "Not if Jack or Perry end up dead or worse."

The thought of Jack being dead sent an icy arrow of fear through her heart. "It just can't happen," she finally said.

They sat in silence until Carla came back. JD was asleep by that time, and Elliot followed Carla to give JD an injection of pain meds into his IV.

"How's he doing?" Jordan asked as she grabbed her jacket and purse.

"Broken arm," Carla replied with a slight shrug. "He insisted on setting it himself."

"Stupid masculinity," Jordan muttered with a shake of her head.

"None of his wounds are healing, Jordan," Carla finally said after a moment. "They all look as if he came out of that building yesterday."

"Do they have him under suicide watch?" She tried to keep her voice light, but Perry was the only one that Josh would negotiate with at this point for Jack.

Carla nodded. "Elliot had to put him out with a sedative when that happened. He wanted to get back to Bambi as soon as the cast was done."

"That's understandable. DJ's out like a light right now."

"Is Jack going to be okay?" Carla asked cautiously. Turk waited for her by the elevator.

"I don't know, Carla." She placed a hand over Carla's shoulder. "Thanks for tonight."

"It's what friends are for," Carla replied and joined Turk by the lift.

Jordan sighed and went to find Elliot, who still monitored Perry's vitals.

"DJ won't want to be alone when he wakes up," Jordan murmured reluctantly. "I'll stay in this room if you take the other. I can't take him crying like that." She shuddered for a mocking effect, but knew on another level that she really just couldn't handle it.

Perry having a breakdown, she knew could probably deal with, mostly because he didn't sob in a desperate way that reminded her of how scared Jack must be.

Elliot nodded as she finished writing something down in Perry's chart. She gestured to the restraints around his ankles and wrists.

"He's really not going to be happy about that when he wakes up," Elliot said quietly. "He is, however, going to be here for a mandatory 72 hours. If he is still exhibiting signs of wishing to harm himself, they won't release him at all."

Jordan nodded, and stood still beside of the bed. It was going to take her all night to figure out what to do when Perry woke up to find he was strapped down.

"Hey, Elliot."

With an absent-minded surprise at her name, Elliot turned to face the other woman. "Yeah?"

Jordan hugged her tightly without warning, much like she had in the bathroom earlier that day.

Still feeling a little off-kilter, Elliot hugged her back loosely around the waist. "You gonna be okay tonight?"

Without saying anything, Jordan nodded and kissed the other girl soundly on the mouth. Tracing her fingers down Elliot's face, Jordan pulled away and rested her forehead against the other's.

The words wouldn't force themselves from the older woman's mouth, but Elliot's eyes grew wide at the brokenly aching look in Jordan's eyes.

Elliot simply nodded and left the room after that to stay with JD.

XXXXXXXXX

When Perry woke the next morning, all hell broke loose. Some part of his hazy mind realized that his arm hurt like a bitch. Another deeper, more primal level only felt the restraints.

Jordan jerked from her chair and struggled to hold the uninjured arm down. "Perry, calm down! Perry!"

Still the man flailed.

A doctor came in with a syringe of narcotic already primed. "No, he's an addict!" Jordan snapped. "He doesn't want any pain meds!" Desperate to try and help, Jordan took off down the hallway where JD was being wheeled out for PT.

"Hi, can I borrow him?" Without waiting for a reply, Jordan grabbed the back of JD's wheelchair. "There's a situation."

"Jordan, I've got…"

"Can it, DJ!" She pushed him into Perry's room where a doctor was about to administer the sedative. "I said to stop that; are you deaf and stupid?"

JD wheeled the chair beside of Perry's bed and grabbed a hold of one of his hands. "Perry, it's Newbie! Alice? Carol?"

At the girl's names and the familiar voice, the movements seemed to slow.

"Get those things off of him!" JD snapped. "He can't be restrained like this."

"We have to keep him that way; he's on suicide watch," the doctor snarled back.

Perry slowly opened his eyes. The faces around the room were only blurs with bodies. One held something sharp and metal, and that was something he didn't want to get near with a ten-foot pole unless it had a happy drug in it. The blurs moved around, and slow waves of distorted voices hit his ears.

But there was Newbie's face, looking concerned and worried like usual. His voice wasn't distorted at all.

"Hey, Perry," JD said when he realized he was the only thing Perry could focus on. "Welcome back."

A nurse began to move backwards, a little frightened of the patient. Her elbow hit a table, knocking a water pitcher to the floor.

The sound was enough to startle Perry into a terrified scream as he began to jerk at the restraints again in wild, fearful waving.

"No, don't give him that!" JD snapped. He started to put a foot down on the floor.

"Don't do anything stupid, Dr. Dorian," the other doctor muttered. "You'll break your hip and ruin your knee. I have to sedate him."

A muscular orderly pinned Perry's arm down to the bed, which only served to heighten the man's terror.

By this time, Perry found himself in a swirling world of fires, blood, and pain as his body launched into full-blown hysteria.

JD covered his mouth hard as the man on the bed started screaming and pleading.

The doctor slowly injected the sedative into the IV and stepped back as it slowly did its work.

Jordan had clapped both hands over her mouth. "DJ, was he like that when you were staying with him?"

JD shrugged. "Sometimes," he said, cursing his voice for the shakiness.

Slowly, Perry's terrified movements slowed, and his eyes slipped shut again. His fingers slowly loosened over JD's hand.

The orderly who had been pushing JD around in the first place finally found his charge and entered the room. He gently pushed Jordan aside.

"He'll be back in an hour, sheesh," the orderly muttered and pushed JD from the room before Jordan could ask him anything else.

Perry slowly felt the sedative more then he saw it. His eyes slid shut and the stars laughed at him. They'd told him not to go at all, that something would go wrong. He hadn't listened.

Newbie had been there for just a minute, but Perry felt the hand slip away from his grip.

JD turned at the dazed, slurred voice and craned his neck backward to hear what Perry had to say.

"Don't give up, Newbie. You promised to come and save me."

The orderly pretended he didn't notice that the patient in front of him was shaking.

XXXXXXX

It was dark again when Perry opened his eyes. He shoved the hot fear down as he realized he was still restrained. Still, the fear wouldn't leave him alone as he tried to pin his hazy mind on why.

The hairs on the back of his neck rose, and he sucked in a sharp breath and realized what it was.

Someone was watching him, and it wasn't in the good way.

The nervous clicking was what he heard next. He turned his head as best he could and saw a rhythmic spark flashing in the back corner of his room.

"I let the kids die in those fires; do you see what I mean now by the pretty lights? The lights never be quiet, and the stars never like to hear them," the nervous, twittering voice came.

Real fear gripped him again. He couldn't reach the on-call button while restrained, and he could only hope that the nervous tweaker would stay long enough for the sociopathic side of Josh to remain quiet.

"My dad died too then, I didn't mean to kill him. I didn't want anyone to die; the building was just too weak, like a little butterfly with broken wings like yours. The stars blame me for it every day, every time."

The sparking stopped along with Perry's heart and the face was above him in an instant.

"Don't you get it? Don't you understand now? I bet you get it now, I had to do what I did or the lights were going to get me," Josh's scared face whispered desperately above him.

Perry opened his mouth to scream, but nothing came out as Josh collapsed to the floor again, nervously clicking the lighter but never drawing a flame.

"I do get it; I hear the lights too," Perry finally whispered harshly.

"You don't hear the same lights I do, Pacing Perry," Josh replied in that jittery voice of his. "That's what the lights call you, I know they do."

Josh turned at the sudden noise outside of the door. A nurse walked by without looking in.

Perry heard a light scurrying across the floor as the sparking stopped. Then it was silent again.

As the gray light of day began to dawn over the sky, Perry wondered if the whole thing had been a hallucination or not.

XXXXXXXX

"You're sure, Perry?" Carla asked an hour later when she came in to check on him. Though she hated to see him in restraints, they both had the understanding that they couldn't be removed at the time being. "You were pretty out of it."

Doctor Imus, whose looks were growing more and more disapproving of Dr. Cox by the day, had promised to remove the restraints if no more "incidents" occurred by that evening.

Perry felt vaguely frustrated at that, trying to ignore the searing pain in his arm. He'd insisted on nothing but OTC painkillers.

Tylenol, however, sure as hell wasn't cutting it.

"I'm telling you, he was here," Perry muttered. "Christ, my arm hurts," he groaned.

"They can give you some Tylox," Carla suggested quietly. "You know how mild it is."

"No," Perry sighed firmly. "If I hadn't taken anything last night, I might have Jack home and safe now. As it is, Josh doesn't know to call here."

Carla shrugged, feeling vaguely uncomfortable at the man's name. "We'll see," she finally decided on saying as she stood. "I better get back to work before Kelso has my hide."

"Well, you could stand to have him take a few inches," Perry replied with a weak, teasing note in his voice.

"You're lucky I don't bitch-slap you out of those restraints," Carla replied, gesturing with her pointer finger. "Now get some sleep."

"I'll try," Perry said, but he had no such intention. Fear and worry prevented him from being able to close his eyes for too long.

Every time he shut his eyes, Josh's words of Jack hanging from a swingset filled his vision.

And he couldn't afford to wake up screaming again.

XXXXXXX

Jordan was sitting with Perry that evening to update on the progress (or lack thereof) of the police. She noted with strained relief that they'd removed the padded cuffs on his wrists and ankles.

"Good behavior?" she finally asked, pointing to the lack of restraints.

Perry shrugged and nodded. "Something like that."

She found herself wanting to ask, but couldn't quite bring herself to. "Have they said when they'll let you out?"

"Tomorrow morning if I pass with Dr. Headrick," Perry muttered, not looking forward to the short man's speech on denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. "Have they heard anything from him yet?"

Jordan didn't have to ask who the "him" in question was. Though her face drained a bit, she shook her head.

"He only called this morning to say that Jack was still alive." Jordan's voice was strained under the tension. "I talked to him."

"How'd he sound?" Perry asked, desperate to hear any other news. When he'd seen Jack that night, he'd been bouncing playfully with a dark figure he couldn't make out. Jack had seemed unharmed, shorn hair or no. "What'd he say?"

Jordan felt the tears building up again, but stubbornly shoved them back down. "He sounded fine. Like he was having a playdate. He giggled about a red ball, and a big box."

Perry sighed in relief. "He's not after Jack. He's after me."

Giving into the anger was the easy thing to do, Jordan realized. But she also knew it was unfair and wrong at that point.

"If he's after you, and only wants to speak with you, how is Jack going to get back home?" Jordan asked carefully.

Perry ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know. I don't think he'll hurt him. If he was going to hurt him, he would've done it the other night."

"But your arm…"

Grimacing at the reminder of the sharp twinges of pain there, Perry shrugged. "If I hadn't done it, he was threatening Jack. I couldn't take that chance. He just wanted to see me squirm."

Growing increasingly uncomfortable at the kind of person this…Josh was turning out to be, Jordan stood and straightened her jacket.

"I can't be away from the apartment for too long," she murmured reluctantly. "Are you going to be okay here?"

"As good as I've ever been," Perry laughed bitterly.

"Do you want me to send DJ in?"

"No." Perry leaned his head against the pillows. "I've got some thinking to do before I have to see him again."

Jordan nodded and left the room.

Crossing his arms behind his head, Perry closed his eyes to try and think through the situation. He still wasn't sure just what exactly Josh wanted from him at this point, but he still had the solid feeling that Jack would be okay.

And if nothing else, Perry knew he'd snap the bastard's neck if Jack was hurt at all.

Two hours later, a police officer showed up grimly with a rather frightened looking Officer Mike Thomas.

"Perry Cox?" the unknown officer asked.

Perry opened one eye from his reclined position on the bed. "Yeah?"

"Is this your cell phone?" Thomas asked reluctantly as he held up a phone.

Looking closely, he slowly recognized the piece of electronic equipment. "Yeah, so?"

"Phone for you then." Thomas handed him the phone.

Feeling vaguely fearful, Perry still took the phone. "This is Dr. Cox."

"Pacing Perry, it's good to hear from you again."

Feeling slightly frozen with fear, Perry sat up. "What do you want?"

"We're going to try this again, Pacing Perry."

As the nickname came over the earpiece again, a realization dawned on Perry that he had been too shocked to understand when Jack had first gone missing. The only time he'd ever heard the newer nickname had been in his own head, with his own thoughts and completely alone.

"How do you know that name?" Perry asked slowly as fear curled into his gut.

"I know a lot of things, butterfly. How stupid do you really think I am?"

"I don't think you're stupid," the older doctor replied in an attempt to placate the man.

"That's a good thing, because your cop friends seem to think I'm fairly ignorant. How was your morning, Pacing Perry? Did you have that extra spark when you opened your eyes?"

"Where's Jack?" Perry retorted, ignoring the obvious barb that Josh knew he'd been in Perry's room that morning.

"He's here," Josh replied idly, looking as the boy with his new haircut crawled in and out of the box on the floor. "He's fine. Jacky, say hi to Daddy!" he went on in a cheerful voice.

"Hi, Daddy!" Jack called from the floor happily. He was beginning to miss his mother and father, but it wasn't often that Mommy let him play in big boxes like this.

"Jack!" Perry yelled into the phone, startling the other two officers. "What do you want already?"

"Simple exchange, Pacing Perry," Josh went on simply. "You for him. We'll try this one more time. No cops. No weapons. No company. No wire taps. Am I making myself clear this time? Your arm was easily broken. So is a three-year-old's neck."

"If you touch one hair on his head, Josh, I'll…"

"Threats aren't very smart right now, butterfly. He's sitting right here in front of me as it is. You should know better."

"I'm sorry," Perry managed to force out.

"That's more like it. Now, I know they've still got you under suicide watch. Easy to punish yourself so badly, isn't it?"

"How could you possibly know that?" Perry finally blurted out in sheer horror.

"I've got my ways. Now, my little birdie told me that they're letting you out tomorrow morning. So we'll try again tomorrow night. We'll make it a little earlier so you can hear the stars crying in the twilight. Be at the fairgrounds here in your own backyard at 7:00. Now repeat the instructions so your cop friends there can hear you."

Perry immediately whipped his head around, but saw neither hide nor tail of Josh in the hospital.

"Repeat it for me, Pacing Perry. I don't like to wait."

"7:00 at the fairgrounds."

"And the terms?"

"No cops, weapons, company or wire taps," Perry gritted out.

"Very good. Tell your daddy that you love him, Jack-jack," Josh called out.

Jack looked up again at the sound of his name. "Love you, doc!"

The phone clicked off again and Perry glared up at the officers.

"This time, we do it my way."

And though the officers pointed out that it wasn't his way so much as it was the suspect's way, they declined to answer.

They walked out of the hospital room as Perry's mind worked furiously to figure out the newer pieces of the puzzle.

How long had Josh been watching him?

"Hey, you up for a little company?"

Perry snapped out of his daze to see JD at the doorway in a wheelchair. "Newbie, you ought to be asleep."

"So should you," JD retorted smartly as he rolled into the room. "I'm sick of lying down though."

"You should go outside and get some fresh air, Betty."

The brief look of terror that streaked across JD's face was gone in an instant. "I don't think I'm up for that yet. What have you heard?"

"Not much yet," Perry lied. He felt slightly bad for it, but JD had enough to worry about at this point.

JD sensed the lie, but decided not to ask. He only wheeled closer to the bed and took one of Perry's hands into his own.

"You know that you don't have to do this all on your own, right?"

"I wouldn't dare try." Perry's lips quirked into a ghost of a smile. "Who do I look like; Superman?"

Continues with Chapter 12