My Control

Chapter 9

JD rubbed a hand over his face. His eyes felt like someone had dumped several pounds of sand and salt into them, and his mouth tasted funny from lack of sleep. As he brushed his teeth and surveyed his pale face in the mirror, he wondered who was beginning to look worse: he or Perry.

His own face was tired and tense at the same time, and smudges of color had appeared beneath his eyes. It was all gradual, he knew that.

Dr. Cox didn't fare much better. In the two weeks since they had found him, he had already lost a couple of pounds. While it hadn't started to affect his usually-toned physique, JD knew it would soon.

Worse was the look Perry often wore. He looked dazed half the time. Every now and again, JD could hear him muttering to himself.

JD spit out the toothpaste and rinsed his mouth out with water. That felt much better. He stared in the mirror and began running his ever-present gel through his dark hair.

Jack and Jordan were supposed to be coming over this afternoon. Jordan had promised to find something else to do, no matter how nervous she seemed.

Perry was in the kitchen, writing in a blank notebook. JD couldn't remember the first time he'd caught Perry writing things down, and JD hadn't yet been able to bring himself to look at it.

JD pulled on a fresh long-sleeved shirt with a t-shirt over that. As he pushed sneakers on (as small children often left sharp toys lying around), the doorbell rang.

JD frowned and opened the door. "You don't have to ring the bell, you know."

Jordan shrugged. "I know, DJ. I didn't want to surprise Perry."

"Alright. How long do you feel comfortable with me keeping him?"

Raising an eyebrow at the terminology as it drew a parallel in her head, Jordan shrugged.

"I'll be back for Jack in a couple of hours. You're sure this will be alright?" she asked worriedly.

JD nodded. "I wouldn't take him if I didn't think it was okay."

Sighing, Jordan passed Jack off to JD.

Jack eyed JD surreptitiously, but then a grin of recognition spread over his face. "An' Cawol!" he crowed.

JD groaned inwardly as he took the baby bag from Jordan as well.

Jordan tried to hide her giggle as best as possible (which wasn't much at all) and gave Jack a kiss.

"Mommy will be back soon, okay, Jack-jack?" she asked, tapping him affectionately on the nose.

Jack grabbed a hold of JD's hair and pulled hard. JD winced.

Jordan grinned. "That's my boy. You take care of him, DJ."

"You know I will."

"And I don't have to threaten to redecorate your ass with my car and foot, right?"

JD swallowed hard, knowing full and well that she could do that easily while drunk.

"That's right," he said.

Jordan nodded and waved to Jack.

Perry listened quietly in the kitchen as he wrote quickly in the notebook. JD had started noticing when he spoke to Newbie's image, and so wrote the thoughts down instead of voicing them.

Hearing JD's yelp of pain when Jack grabbed his hair again made him grin.

Perry stood when he was sure Jordan was gone and watched as JD struggled to pry Jack's small fists from his scalp.

"Death-grip, I swear to god you get it from she-who-must-not-be-named," JD muttered as he finally managed to untangle one hand from his hair.

"No, he would've gotten that from me, Nora," Perry mentioned from the kitchen. A small part of him lifted when he saw Jack's smiling face.

"Daddy!" Jack yelped and began to immediately struggle to get away from JD's arms.

"Alright, alright already," JD muttered and set the boy down before he dropped him.

Perry kneeled on the floor as Jack toddled over. "Hey, Jack-jack."

"Hi, daddy," Jack grinned and hugged his father tightly around the neck.

"Oh, Jack, don't…" JD started, but Perry shook his head as he stood with Jack in his arms.

"He's fine, Newbie. Being my son, he would've snapped your neck though had he hugged you like that," Perry managed to smirk. He sat down on the couch and held his son for a while.

Jack didn't seem to be having any of that, and began to climb from his father's lap almost immediately.

JD sat on the floor with him, tugging the baby bag over. "Let's see what your mom packed for you."

"Probably a pitchfork and devil horns," Perry murmured as he watched JD pull out assorted colored baby toys from the bag.

Jack grabbed what could only be described as the noisiest, loudest toy in all of toy-history.

The flashing lights delighted the small boy, and JD pushed other buttons to make the toy sound off.

"She had to have packed this one on purpose," JD muttered as beeps and sirens began to drill on his ear.

Perry struggled to focus on his son and JD. The lights were distracting him slightly, and danced merrily for him again.

Newbie stood against the other wall, as luminescent as any other hallucination. "That's great, Perry. Your kid comes over here, risking life and limb to be with you, and all you can do is listen to the lights."

Perry's hands itched for the notebook, but he did his best to ignore the taunting voice, which had grown uncomfortably familiar to someone else's.

"I'll be right back, Carol."

Jack looked up and slapped his hands to JD's knee. "An' Cawol."

Perry smiled weakly and left the room.

JD watched him go suspiciously, but turned back to Jack.

Perry walked inside the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He pulled the lighter from his pocket again, even though he knew he was doing no service to himself by prolonging the healing process.

But when he made to strike the lighter, it only sparked and faltered. Perry's eyes went wide and his face went pale.

He struck the lighter's flint again, but still no flame poured forth. He looked around the bathroom desperately, as if looking around would make the lighter work again.

JD grew slightly worried when Perry hadn't come back a few minutes later, but decided that the man would be more annoyed then grateful at someone checking on him.

Jack pushed other buttons on the toy in front of him, making a loud siren wail into the air.

Perry sat down in the floor of the bathroom, hearing the distant sounds of Jack's toy. The siren was all too familiar. He remembered hearing it before they'd come to get him. Newbie's angry voice that he was, in fact, a doctor.

The siren had wailed all the way to the other hospital, and they'd taken Newbie away from him. Perry shoved a hand into his mouth and screamed hard, biting down on his knuckles.

JD looked up at the muffled noise, and struggled to decide if he should call Carla or Jordan to come for Jack. He wondered briefly if it was okay to leave a three-year-old sitting in the floor with a toy as long as there was a baby monitor present.

Torn between keeping an eye on Jack and checking on Perry, JD decided to do the only thing plausible.

He scooped Jack into his arms. Jack planted one hand into the sensitive hairs at the nape of JD's neck.

Jack giggled when JD yelped quietly.

"Hey Jack," JD said. "Can you be very quiet for me?"

Jack nodded and made a show of buttoning his lips closed.

"That's a good boy." JD walked down the hallway and knocked on the door. "Perry?"

"Leave me alone, Marianne."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine! Just go away for a minute!"

JD sighed and took Jack back into the living room. "Can you sit here and be really good for me?"

Jack nodded as if to say "duh, what can a three-year-old possibly do wrong?"

JD set up the baby speakers and tucked one into the pocket of his blue jeans and left one out of Jack's reach. He walked back down the hallway again, and knocked on the door.

"Perry, I don't have Jack with me. What's wrong?"

The door finally snapped open, and though Perry's eyes were slightly red, he looked more angry than anything.

"I'm fine, Ophelia," he snapped. "I need to go for a walk though, Nurse. Is that alright with my watchdog?"

Without bothering to wait for a reply, Perry grabbed his coat. He looked reluctantly at Jack, who beamed a smile his way.

"Daddy will be back later, okay, Jack?"

Jack nodded and reached up.

Perry scooped the boy up and kissed his head. "Love ya, little guy."

"Love you, Doc," Jack told him.

Smiling resignedly, Perry handed Jack to JD and walked out the door.

JD sighed softly, and returned to playing with Jack in the floor.

XXXXXXX

Perry shrugged his jacket on. He winced at the vague pain over his back, but kept walking. He looked at his car, and decided the fresh air might be better for him.

Taking off down the sidewalk, he headed into the small heart of the city. He made a stop into the hardware store, and then walked into the police station.

"Can I help you?" the officer asked without looking up.

"Yeah, Skipperoo, you can. I need to speak with Lieutenant Renicki."

"Dr. Dorian, we…"

Perry whistled sharply. "Yo, Angela. I don't guess it occurred to you that I look nor sound anything like Captain Spice Girl, huh?"

The officer looked up and raised an eyebrow as he buzzed the lieutenant. "Sounded pretty similar to me. I don't guess you were here when he was trying to rip one of our officers a new one?"

"I would've paid to see it I think if they all act like you."

Lieutenant Renicki gave Perry a frown. "I thought we were scheduled for later in the day, Dr. Cox."

Perry fingered the purchase he'd made in his pocket. "I want to get it over with. My kid's home right now, and his toy was driving me crazy."

In a manner of speaking.

Lieutenant Renicki shrugged, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. "Do you need anyone here with you?"

"I'm a big boy, Lieutenant, I think I can take care of this myself. Do we need to go to a room or something vaguely similar to what I see in crime dramas? Or do I just get spill my heart and soul out right here in front of God and all the morons he managed to created while he was on the can?"

"I think I see where Dr. Dorian gets it from," the older man muttered, shutting his eyes. "This way, Doctor."

"Was the little sport that rude?" Perry asked as he entered a gray, interrogation room.

"I wouldn't so much call it rude as I would call him on being a nosy little bastard who wouldn't let us do our job in the first place."

"But he was right."

Lieutenant Renicki didn't reply to that, and set a tape recorder down on the table. "Shall we?"

Perry sat back in the chair, crossing his arms tightly as a muscle ticked in his throat. "Do I just talk or do you ask questions?"

"Whatever you're most comfortable with, Doctor."

"Just ask, Lieutenant."

The officer reached forward and hit a button on the tape. "Know that this, on February 25th is the first-hand account from Dr. Perry Cox upon the actions of suspect, Joshua Andrews. Do you understand your rights and…"

"I get it."

"On the night you were abducted, what do you remember about the mental state of the suspect?"

Perry sighed. "Dr. Dorian came to ask me for a second opinion on Mr. Andrews. He had come in with obvious signs of drug-withdrawal and a slightly-altered mental state. After telling Dr. Dorian to release him, I left to try and catch a nap in the first floor on-call room."

"Only slightly altered?"

"A lot of drug addicts come in acting like psychos. That's why we call them tweakers."

"Was it obvious then that he suffered from a deeper problem?"

"No."

Lieutenant Renicki nodded, making notes of his own even though the tape recorder was on.

"Why did you tell Dr. Dorian to release him?"

"The patient didn't seem to want to try any further treatment of his drug habit, and there wasn't anything we could give him for it. It's not our policy to baby patients into doing the right thing."

"So you essentially told Dr. Dorian to release a drug-addict back on the streets without trying to press for rehab?"

"Look, we're not cops," Perry replied in irritation. "We can only do so much without the consent of the patient."

"I didn't mean to upset you," the man went on, his voice unchanging. "After going to the on-call room for sleep, what do you remember next?"

Though his heart sped up slightly, Perry still continued in an even tone. "I woke up around seven or eight in the evening. That was about an hour and a half after Mr. Andrews came in. When I woke up, I got up and turned on half the lights in the room."

"And then?"

"Mr. Andrews was in the corner, rocking back and forth. When I tried to approach him, he became agitated and so I backed off."

"What happened after that?"

"The phone rang, and I believe it startled him. When I made to grab the phone, he pushed me into a death lock." Perry felt his stomach churning. He had thought it would be harder then this.

"Was it apparent then that the suspect was suffering from a more severe mental problem?"

"The patient still only showed signs of drug withdrawal, so that'd be a no."

"And after that, do you recall what happened?"

"He started rambling about nonsense." A small part of Perry's mind pointed out that the lights were real, but he shoved it away for now. "After he spoke with me for a few minutes, it did begin to seem that his mental problems weren't just a product of sudden withdrawal."

"Was there anything in particular that the suspect mentioned that made you believe that?"

"He spoke of fighting a fire some years ago, and that…that he couldn't save everyone." Perry cleared his throat, trying to get the lump to settle back into his heart. "After he talked about that, he pulled a knife."

"Following that, what happened?"

"Dr. Dorian and Nurse Espinosa entered the room. Mr. Andrews became very irritable, and it was becoming more clear to the three of us that he wasn't going to be talked down easily."

"Why do you think Dr. Dorian prevented the janitor at your hospital from trying to take down the suspect?"

Perry snorted at that. "Because the patient had a knife to my throat and my windpipe in a death lock that most people call illegal these days. Dr. Dorian continued to try and speak with the patient, but by that time, I don't think he was listening to much. He dragged me out to his car."

"Did you try and get away?"

"Of course I did. And he left a couple of nice ones along my arm and face for my trouble."

"Following that, what do you remember?"

Now his gut felt like it was turning inside out, and his head began to hurt. He looked up and saw Newbie in the corner of the room again.

"Ah, I think I tried to refuse to get into his car, at which point, he knocked me out. When I woke up again, I was in the building you found me at. He'd…he'd ah…tied my wrists and ankles together." Perry swallowed hard and wished he'd taken more medication before leaving the apartment. He slid a hand into his pocket to finger his purchase again.

"Were there others there?"

"Yes. Josh…Mr. Andrews, that is, had friends with him."

"What were they doing?"

"Getting high. Some used needles, some used crackpipes." Perry drummed his fingers nervously on his thigh. "The bonds were too tight on my wrists, and some tweaker took my shoes."

Lieutenant Renicki noticed the man's growing agitation, but continued. "Are you okay to keep going, Dr. Cox?"

"I'm fine," Perry snapped, fingers twisting in the fabric of his jeans. He glared at Newbie's face in the corner.

"What happened after you woke up?"

"I was treated to a needle in my arm. Josh didn't seem himself that time around, and I wasn't able to make a diagnosis under the influence."

"And after that?"

"A few of his friends began poking at me, I guess. I was out of it. And Josh…he ah…he started calling me a butterfly, or some crap like that. He took a lighter and torched my arm."

Lieutenant Renicki nodded, keeping his eyes on the doctor.

Perry felt the burns on his back stinging. He concentrated on the pain there to struggle and keep talking.

"Then I passed out. When I woke up again, Josh was there with another needle. This time, he was still calm. Before he gave me another shot, I was able to make an early diagnosis of Disassociative Identity Disorder. After that shot, he wanted to burn me again. He cut my wrists apart and tied them in front. Then he had me lie down on my stomach. He slashed my back open and burned the wounds closed."

"Did he say ever why he was doing this to you?"

"Because he wanted to cut something off."

"I can't have you flying away, butterfly, but your wings are so strong. I might have to burn them off too.

Perry rubbed his hand over his face. Josh's voice was back, and Newbie's face had begun to change.

"After that, what do you remember?"

"I…ah…don't remember much following that. I kept passing out a lot," Perry went on, hitting his wrist against the table in periodic thumps. "One day, he tied my wrists to the wall."

"Did he cite why?"

"No," Perry lied. He banged his wrist harder. "He broke my arm the night before you found me there."

"Do you remember anything about the day you were rescued?"

"Josh had to leave. He didn't say why. The next thing I remember is Dr. Dorian entering the room with the police on his heels."

Perry thumped his wrist, struggling to keep his mind clear through the narcotic haze he felt slipping away.

"You're being bad, butterfly. You're telling."

"So can I go now?" Perry asked, voice becoming hoarse.

"Testimony ended," Lieutenant Renicki said, and turned off the tape recorder.

Perry stopped banging his wrist as an afterthought, as if he had just now realized what he was doing.

"Dr. Cox, would you like an officer to escort you home?"

"I can find my way." Perry stood up and looked to Newbie's corner.

Only Newbie wasn't there, and Josh's eerily calm smile stared back at him. Perry stiffened and headed for the door.

"I'll find you, butterfly. And I'm not happy with you."

The air stung his face as he headed back to the apartment. He fished his purchase from his pocket, staring at the packet of razor blades he had purchased.

Calling himself an idiot and moron times a zillion, Perry shoved them back into his pocket and stared at the sky.

The stars didn't answer.

Continues with Chapter 10