A Warm Presence, Will You Stay?

Chapter 1

"That kid is eventually gonna die. Whether it's today, or tomorrow, or a month from now. There's nothing I can do; nothing works. Now his parents want to talk to me, what am I supposed to tell them -- "Peter lived a good, long seven years"? Seven years, man!" Nick sounded desperate and lost.

His rant continued, "It's not fair. I hate this place. I hate this job - "

Elliot stepped forward, protesting. "Nick, it's not your fault - "

But the other intern was adamant.

"I--I'm done...I'm done...I'm done." He dropped his head into his hands, his fingers digging into his dark hair.

He sounded so final. Like an epitaph - and it was, to him - an epitaph for his career, for this path of life.

And that suddenly made JD angrier than he had been in a long time.

"You can't just give up like this!" Nick didn't look up. "I won't let you give up like this!"

He crouched in front of the fellow intern's pathetically slumped figure, and grabbed his shoulders in a gentle, but strong grip.

"Nick..." he said quietly, "Nick, I know this is hard. It's always hard when you're faced with a problem that's difficult to fix. When you have to face the fact that you might not be able to help someone - that will eat at you, I know."

He grabbed the other man's chin, tilting his sorrow-filled face upward to meet his.

"But you just can't let this be you downfall. You can't let this be the end. Now, Peter may not live - that's true. But think of all the people you could help by not quitting now! Think of the hundreds of lives that you could save. Don't give up because one patient might not make it. That wouldn't be fair to anyone, especially yourself."

"Maybe you can't save Peter. You can save that kid down the hall, in room 303. Timmy. The one with emphysema? Do you get what I'm saying, Nick?"

Nick looked into his eyes, awed an shocked at the inspiring words that came out of his rival's mouth. Finally, just nodded weakly.

JD held out a hand to help him up, and Nick took it.

JD hauled him to his feet, a hand on his arm holding him steady as he swayed uncertainly, tired out from his shouting and grief. JD's hands were warm and delicate, he observed, kind of like a woman's, but they were strong. Realizing he was practically leaning on the other man, he quickly straightened out with an embarrassed cough.

Elliot looked between the two of them calculatingly, noticing the faint tint of pink across Nick's cheeks, a flustered look in his eyes.

'He's reminding me of someone... someone... BARRY? Oh. My. God.' her eyes widened, 'Nick has a gay crush on JD! When did this happen?'

She backed up a but, looking at the two of them closely. They did make a quite striking pair, actually. Nick was a bit shorter than JD, but looked stronger, more masculine - but really, who didn't look more masculine than JD? His hair was short and stuck up in the front, as opposed to JD's carefully styled hair, which was black as ebony and soft-looking. JD's face was smooth shaven and soft, pale, while Nick's was more sculpted, and had a little scruff at the chin. Nick had more muscle than JD had - again, who didn't - and looked fit, while JD was more wraith-like, and lithely muscled. Almost girl-like - cardio her ass.

She sighed disappointedly. That was one less fine ass for the female population. Why did the cute ones all have to be gay? Even worse, attached to that fine ass was a great personality, not to mention doctor career. And did she mention his fine ass? And JD wasn't such a bad catch either, not that she'd ever tell him that.

"Come on, Nick... lets go talk to Peter's parents. They need to know what's happening." JD prompted, letting go of his shoulders but sliding his hand down to take a loose hold of his arm in a show of support. Nick looked reluctant, a ghost of his previous sorrow in his eyes. JD saw it, and reassured him,

"It's okay, I'll come with you, you don't have to do it alone. I know it looks bleak, but you never know, it may turn around."

Nick nodded once more, but didn't look very hopeful. To be honest, he couldn't even concentrate on Peter, as much as the thought of the dying child as causing his grief. All he could focus on was JD's thin fingers wrapped around his forearm, his presence beside him - so different from his usual demeanor, JD seemed like a pillar now - he was strong and confident, and reassuring. Not the fake confidence the other intern usually exuded. He could tell the difference, as he had used it plenty of times himself - that fake swagger, the fabricated over confidence, while underneath, he was insecure. He had found the act oddly cute, if not a bit sad, at the time. The question was, why couldn't he stop thinking about it now? Before, he had been able to banish the thoughts of JD from his mind anytime he wished, dropping his little obsession of the feminine subordinate like a bad habit whenever it interfered with work. of course, it didn't always work completely.

Like with the case reports. When he had heard JD wanted write them as well, he had immediately given them up. Dr. Cox was right - even he wasn't that nice all the time, and he made sure to be constantly pleasant to everyone he met; it was just in his nature. When he had seen that disappointed look on his rival's face after the attending gave him the reports, he had been filled with rage at the man. And it wasn't only because he had given the job to him instead of JD; he knew he was better at internal medicine than JD was, if only by a little - because JD really was a talented doctor. No, it was because Dr. Cox had done it on purpose. Had made JD angry at him for no reason other than his own amusement.

Well... perhaps there had been another reason. Just as he was leaving, he had glance back, and seen JD walking off, Dr. Cox staring at his back. The older doctors stare had been... possessive. Telling the entire hospital that the girlish intern was his, even though he was probably the only one who had seen through the act of annoyance and the 'unwilling mentor' slot he seemed to have in JD's life. That only fueled his anger. JD was not an object to be possessed. He was a person.

JD's hand shaking his shoulder brought him out of his thoughts.

"Nick... we're here." he said softly. They were outside the door. "It's time to face the music." he smiled weakly at his own weak attempt at humor. He had such full, pink lips.. ok, stop. Think about Peter.

That immense sadness and anger once again filled him, and he wanted to turn around and run back to that cold, quiet hallway where he didn't have to face the harsh realities of the job he'd chosen. But JD's warm presence beside him strengthened his resolve, made him better somehow. He opened his eyes and strode forward, opened the door, and... 'faced the music'. He could hear His former rival's footsteps behind him, and that was all that kept his face from crumbling as he faced the twin hopeful and expectant expressions of Peter's parents staring up at him from the boy's beside. The eight year old was unconscious, or sleeping., and he lay on the bed, drug rash as a alergic reaction covered many visible parts of his body, marring his thin, frail limbs.

"Mr. and Mrs. Morrison, I'm afraid I have some bad news..."

The whole conversation seemed like snippets of meaningless noise to him - he could barely process what he was saying. He caught vague snippets every once in a while.

"... the original sickness was made worst my his allergic reaction to the medication..."

"...doesn't look good, but it could turn around..."

"...have some options to consider..."

Soon enough, the Morrisons were nodding and thanking him, looking stricken and heartbroken. He allowed himself to be lead out of the room by a concerned JD, all the way to the Break Room. JD sat him on a couch and told him to relax, running off to get him some coffee from the nurse's station. Even through the haze he was in, he could chuckle quietly to himself at what a mother hen he was being. He returned, gave him a cup of coffee a bit sweeter than he liked it, and knelt in front of him just like he had in the hallway.

"Nick, I want you to just chill, ok man? I'm going to go to Dr. Cox, or Dr. Kelso or something and see if I can get you the rest of your shift off."

"No! JD, I'll be fine, really. You could get in trouble for that - you probably will get in trouble for that. I can handle a few more hours."

"No yourself." the younger man said sternly, gently pushing back down onto the couch. He couldn't help but continue to be amused - maybe it would be best to let JD ride out this protective streak on his own. It was strange, they were acting like old friends, they slipped into this demeanor so easily. He guessed the saying was true - friendships really could be forged by trauma. He smiled softly.

"Okay. I'll just go rest in the On-Call Room, then." He accepted, his insides flaring warmly when the younger man smiled brightly at him. He nodded, and briskly walked away in the direction of Kelso's office.

As he slipped under the covers of one of the stiff on-call beds, he let his mind wander in any direction it pleased. Predictably, it immediately zeroed in on thoughts of JD - he wondered if his black hair felt as soft as it looked, why his greyish-blue eyes were so easy to stare into. These thoughts didn't scare him - he knew he was bisexual ever since he was sixteen. No, what worried him was that as gay as JD seemed, it wasn't truly clear if he was or not. He seemed to have a healthy attraction to women, for sure, but he often said things that suggested he was, at the very least, bi as well. At worst, he could be bi without realizing it, which would make it difficult to start something with him, as he'd have to get the guy to realize he was gay first (he blocked the thought of him not being at least bi out of his mind - the more he thought about it, the less he believed it), and at best, he was in the closet, hiding it. Maybe he just hadn't had a relationship with a guy while in the hospital. He hoped so. Over the last week, JD had completely captured his attention, ensnared him in his web without even knowing it.

The only thing he feared was that, if JD was, indeed, straight, that him confessing would ruin their newfound friendship - but hey, sometimes you had to take risks for... romance.

Chapter 2